It is hard to begin again in the middle. There are times when we have a moment of clarity and realize that we are so far from the path we intended to take as young adults. Many of our choices have been determined by others and circumstances. I guess I have reached such a point now that my children are in middle school. I do feel that life over the past 14 years has been a blur. There are things I have done well, and things I could have done better. And it seems I am so far away from the goals I had set for myself as that wide-eyed college graduate eager to conquer the world. I was thinking parenting would be a piece of cake, but did not realize that it can take most of the energy you have on any given day when your children are young. I feel like I am just at the point where I can catch my breath, and I am not entirely happy with where I have ended up. That part is on me, because somewhere along the way in taking care of my children and family, I missed the part where I was still supposed to be caring for myself. There are some things I have done for myself along the way just to be able to cope with the day, but I ceased having any real goals. Maybe that is the trap of being a stay-at-home mom. It gets harder to see your life beyond your children.
This blog is kind of about regaining my sense of self, and reinventing it as I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. This does not need to be a tragedy in any way, it is an opportunity. Or at least I am planning to look at it that way. I am in a sense, going to be making it up as I go along.
